


With Each Counted Second

by insyncratix



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate plot for ACWNR, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), But I love him terribly, Character Death, Commander Erwin Smith, Confessions, Cussing, Drama, Erwin is god, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, First Meetings, Fluff, Hange Zoë Ships It, Human Trafficking, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Inspired by Roleplay/Roleplay Adaptation, Kenny Ackerman Being an Asshole, Kenny is an asshole (sorry), Levi is so angry, M/M, Nonbinary Hange Zoë, POV Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Plot, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Slow Burn, The Underground (Shingeki no Kyojin), Top Erwin Smith, Trust, Trust Issues, Uncle Kenny - Freeform, there will be angst, we all do
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:49:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28629090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insyncratix/pseuds/insyncratix
Summary: Levi ripped his gaze from the envelope after he managed to read the stupidly eloquent writing, letting out a groan finally now that he was alone at the uncomfortable burn of the rope against his skin and the lash marks on his back. He was also fully beginning to come to from the drugs that lingered in his mind- his vision and thoughts becoming ever sharper with each ticking second.Which he counted.Always counted.It seemed to sate him for some reason to know exactly how much time passed- just how many seconds it took for his circumstance to change again and again. Never a dull moment.What a fucking joke.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 17
Kudos: 83





	1. Intentions

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically a twist on ACWNR, there will be a lot of canon divergence because this is my own little world I'm creating, but, I am following the ACWNR 'outline' (sort of not really) 
> 
> Regardless, I hope you enjoy! ^-^

It was fall, and the frigid air nipped at Levi’s bare skin- a muted pale grey-blue in the vacant light of his surroundings. His head swam thickly through seas of sleep, sticky and claiming like vapid tar oozing around his lungs and eyes, sparkling his blackened vision and slowing the pulls of air he brought into his shivering body. Suddenly, the coagulated tar turned sharp like ice and Levi’s eyelids flew open to the world, veins flooding with the frost of panic and his skin tingling with alertness as he breathed harshly through the rope bit in his mouth.

They tended to do that, those wretched drugs. He always woke up with such a start.

He wondered briefly where they’d slipped them this time- in his water? The muck they called soup that they so scarcely fed him? He always worked through those drugs faster than the other poor souls in this fucking ring, his metabolism much faster and his body smaller. Then again, Levi would have to give most of his credit to his own mind rather than the uncontrollable functions of his body. Stubborn, like a wild cat- they called him. Well, they were right. After all, it was mostly young girls surrounding him in this shitty circumstance, girls that had lost their bite after weeks, months, maybe years of their resolve getting beaten down by men and their greedy cocks, violent hands, and filthy smiles.

Levi was not one so easy to break.

That’s why it so happened that now, he was back in the cold embrace of his little portable cell, tucked into the back of a moving cart, the sound of growling wheels rolling and horses hooves clomping away. His body jostled with each bump in the road and he struggled to push himself onto his knees. It was all the cage would allow him to do but it gave him a sense of strength to be up on his own rather than curled up in the fetal position on the floor, wallowing in his own pitiful dismay. The bars that kept him in place allowed for obscured sight outside of his small cage and his silvery death-like eyes snapped around to survey the area. It was dark. Little dots of soft blue light filtered in through cracks in the canvas tarp that covered the bed of the cart, or the seams along wood panels but other than that, Levi’s vision was black and grey.

What was it this time that led him back to this little cage? He fought back vomit as he settled back on his hackles and thought, each time having to go through the process of remembering the events that led up to his drugging.

_Ah yes, it was another knife incident this time, wasn’t it?_

He recalled how _very cross_ good old Uncle Kenny was with him when he was thrown back at his feet by the fat pig who tried to fuck him hours prior. Poor old sod. Didn’t get the bang for his buck. See, it was _good old_ Uncle Kenny who kept trying and failing to sell Levi off for a quick fortune. Ever since Levi’s mother died of a whore’s disease in the filthy bowels of the Underground, Kenny had told him how he’d ‘bring in the bucks’, how he would be his little prize. Levi thought otherwise. He was not a little boy filled with fear and resignation from his shortcomings, rather, Levi was a _wild cat_ , and would claw the eyes out of any man or woman who tried to touch him until the day they put him down for good. Kenny always tried to beat that obedience into Levi, still did every time Levi was returned. Even now, his back stung from the sharp licks of the whipping he’d received just before getting drugged and shoved into this cage. But if anything, that white-hot pain just made him angrier and angrier. Just fed that boiling rebellion in his heart and kicked his resilience into hyper drive.

There was little to be done about Levi’s flaming desire to be free.

It seemed like only minutes had passed, but Levi’s body ached from its hunched position on the cold ground, suggesting he’d been locked in here passed out cold for hours now. It was routine, really. He wondered what the face of the wretched man who would buy him next would look like. Or perhaps a woman this time? He was curious to see how fast a female’s patience would break under Levi’s incessant rebellion.

Suddenly, the wheels stopped their growling and the horse’s hooves stopped their clomping and Levi was thrust forward into the cage wall in front of him, earning a hiss from the raven-haired male, his shoulder connected harshly with the unforgiving wood and it stung his skin with its splintering kiss. He counted to ten silently in his head and then he heard the shouts of men, familiar, yet he couldn’t place the faces to them. Another ten seconds. The large wood door at the back of the carriage opened wide like the mouth of a beast and cool night air wrapped around Levi even harsher than it had been before. He was in nothing but some lousy undergarments and the rope that bound his wrists and legs, his skin was littered with goosebumps.

It was then, under the light of the moon shining outside, that Levi could see two other people in the cart with him- a boy with a sullen face who feigned sleep, and a girl with tears dried to her cheeks. Levi was no such type and whipped his head back to the mouth of the van, where he watched men begin to file in and open cages, grabbing up the victims from the innards and thrusting them to the waiting hands of other men, who brought them sharply to the left. Levi played this game one too many times to fool himself with a question of where they were being taken. Another awaiting master, of course. Another fruitless effort from good old Uncle Kenny to finally keep his money from a successful sale of Levi’s body and services.

Levi could see the shins of the man who paused in front of his cage, the same man shouting out to his counterparts if ‘this was the one’, to which someone else outside replied with a yelled ‘yes’ through a cigarette-scratched laughter. Levi ground his teeth into the rope bit that gagged his mouth and glanced down at the frayed rope that cut into the delicate skin of his wrists, thin brows etching together when he heard the click of the lock on his cell door. His body seethed under the man handling that took place and he fought. Regardless of the ropes that kept him bound and the drugs that still sung his brain into delirium, he lashed out. He would have bitten the man who hoisted him over his shoulder as if Levi were some sack of potatoes, but he’d done that a time prior to this one and earned this rope between his teeth, secured behind his head. He tongued at the rough material of that rope now and his body went slack as he was carried, staring at the variants of ground that they covered. From the wood of the wagon, to cobble stone, to polished wood. Levi counted twenty seconds in his head before he was dropped rather harshly on the ground in yet another cell, a larger one he observed, and the door was slammed closed.

The man who dropped him spoke as he locked the door and Levi could smell the whiskey on his breath even with the distance between them, “Fancy towns taken an interest in ya, kitten.” Was all that the man said before he left Levi's vicious line of sight.

_What the fuck is fancy town?_

Levi couldn’t bother to try and wrap his head around the phrase as his mind was throbbing with a squeezing headache and he just wanted to close his eyes. Wherever he was, the light was yellow and dull, and the air smelled of rotting wood, dust, and gunpowder. Maybe this was another pound-type auction…where they let the rich fuckers walk around and select their prizes like they would dogs from the pound. Levi righted himself from the position he was in on the floor, scooting back until his shoulder blades pressed into the wall and he settled, staring at wooden wall across from his cell and the equally wooden paneled flooring. He leaned his head back rather heavily into the wall behind him, taking even but harsh breaths through the frayed spit-soaked rope that pried his teeth ajar. He bit into that rope out of spite and frustration, crinkling his nose and tearing his eyes from the planked wall in favor of looking at the floor instead. To the right of him he could hear soft sobs coming from the cage next to him and he forced himself not to roll his eyes. He recognized it was unfair for him to judge though, he'd been doing this for a while and had been through much worse to be brought to tears over being here. Here, in this wooden cell, cold timber planks easing the bee stings of the whipped lines crisscrossing the pale flesh of his back.

He counted to two minutes as he waited for something to happen, flickering his eyes back and forth over the cracks in the wooden floor outside the bars of his confines. It was unsettling. How quiet it was. Levi let his eyes shut very slowly and focused on the minimal information going into his ears, wishing the girl in the cage beside him would stop her sobbing and sniffling so he could hear other things more properly. In the midst of his thorough and careful listening, a door slammed, and Levi was so intent on picking up the quiet things that it made his shoulders jump and his eyes flew open once again to stare into the hallway. Heavy man-like footfalls resounded and then there was the sound of rusty metal being tampered with- a lock, Levi assumed. He listened closely to what he could hear from his cell. The mumbles of a boy and the deep growls of an apathetic man.

A struggle, ending in the echoing sound of skin being slapped and a stifled cry. More heavy footsteps- and then another slam of the door.

That man had taken someone out of their cage, led them out somewhere. So, this wasn't a pound auction then? Perhaps 'fancy town' was too classy to actually walk around and look at the goods themselves. No, of course the fat insolent pigs of 'fancy town' would need to be shown their prizes at their own privileged convenience. Maybe over a nice family dinner, hm? Candlelight, sizzling meats, and sparkling utensils? Levi coughed out an amused chuckle at his own thoughts and relaxed his shoulders. If this was a show and tell, Levi had no worries about getting booted right back on that wagon once this event had passed. He was good at making himself utterly undesirable. Of course, there was always those few buyers who liked the challenge in his eyes and the struggle of his body. Buyers who tried and failed to tame him, were left frustrated, and always ended up tossing Levi back into the grips of the ring.

It was an exhausting and vicious cycle, but he supposed this was just how he was meant to live out his life until he finally kicked that sweet, sweet bucket.

Minutes ticked by like years and Levi had half a mind to doze off with the swirling warmth of date-rape drugs still looming around in his fuzzy mind, but his light nap was abruptly interrupted when that damn door opened, and another victim was dragged out. That victim being the crying girl caged up beside him. She was taken out in a heap of sobs and pleads and Levi knew he would be next in line for extraction. His breathing increased by a fraction as he waited in anticipation, eyes lidded, chest rising and falling heavily, taking in air through his nose rather than the rope on his tongue which tasted of hay and blood. Levi’s own blood. Both from the chafing the rope was doing at either side of his mouth and from Levi himself gnawing at the rope, irritating his gums. He felt like a fucking horse.

That damn door creaked open again and Levi’s shoulders went tense as those heavy boots stopped in front of his own cage, the large man on the other side of the bars kneeling to look Levi in the eyes through the holes of his executioner’s mask. The sight took Levi aback briefly. Is this a death's row? Maybe Kenny was finally sick of trying to send Levi off to clients. Levi could imagine the endless sickening possibilities of this being some kind of snuff performance and a burning fire lit in his narrowed his vision, focused on the man outside in distaste and hatred, earning a dirty chuckle in response.

“Rich fucks handed you off to the soldiers.” He began, slowly lifting his hands to begin to undo the lock on Levi’s cage, breaking eye contact to focus on the work at hand, “I’as told they mean to pass y’around. Make these military men’s final cold nights warmer. Though I doubt yer keen to that. They’ll prolly end up executing a wild cat like you.” Another chuckle, “Anyways, yer an army boy now.”

The words were surprising to say the least and Levi knew now that Kenny had really been down to the last straw with Levi’s rebelliousness. To sell him off to the military? He couldn’t have gotten too much of a pretty penny for something like that either. Especially if what this man was saying was true. If these were men about ready to be sent to their deaths- Levi must have been sold to the suicidal maniacs of the Survey Corps.

Levi wanted to reply but obviously he couldn’t through the rope on his tongue without sounding like an idiot. He merely watched as the cage door opened and the man outside reached in to drag Levi out. There was no real point in fighting now and the large man gave him little to no chance at it as he grabbed Levi up and threw him over his shoulder with a grunt of effort, whisking him away to whatever destination awaited them. He watched the floor as they walked, occasionally eyeing the knife in the back of the man’s pants. If he had access to his hands, he’d utilize that weapon. And maybe even like this he could get to it, but he was in foreign territory and he wasn’t stupid enough to go running off through the grounds of some military campus in search of the ignorant idea of freedom.

The walk was relatively short and before he knew it, they were in front of large wood paneled French style doors, guarded by men that the man holding him began talking to. The exchange was quiet and muddled but Levi managed to catch the word ‘delivery’ and what sounded like the name ‘Smith.’ His head spun with vile imagination and he had half a mind to groan. He didn’t, though. He stayed perfectly still even as the doors were opened and Levi was brought through the threshold.

Their destination seemed to be an office of sorts. Levi could clearly see this as he was set down harshly on the floor on his knees adjacent to a fine oak desk, the surface being covered in papers, writing utensils, books, ink blotches, and other sorts of clutter. And dust. This place wasn’t very kept. Before Levi could think to move to attack the man holding him in place, another man was filing in with yet another cage, setting it down with a thud and then prying the door open so that both men could shove Levi onto his ass inside the confines.

The two spoke idly but Levi blocked it out as he curled his kneels to his chest and ground the side of his head into the wall of the cage, glaring at the boots of the two men before him, boots that tracked trace amounts of dirt on the relatively nice rug. The man with the executioner’s mask leaned down again to set down a bottle of fine whiskey, a small rusty key, and a crisp pressed envelope in front of Levi’s cage, giving the raven-haired male a wink before chuckling and standing straight again.

Not even ten counted seconds passed, and Levi was alone in his cage in the room, the echo of the doors closing pounding at his tired mind.

This was not an experience he’s had before. He’d never been delivered like this before. He squeezed his eyes shut for a second, and then opened them to lean forward to try and read the cursive on the face of the envelope to the best of his abilities. There, in fine scrawled ink, laid the words:

'To Erwin Smith, 13th commander of the Survey Corps.’

Levi ripped his gaze from the envelope after he managed to read the stupidly eloquent writing, letting out a groan finally now that he was alone at the uncomfortable burn of the rope against his skin and the lash marks on his back. He was also fully beginning to come to from the drugs that lingered in his mind- his vision and thoughts becoming ever sharper with each ticking second.

Which he counted.

Always counted.

It seemed to sate him for some reason to know exactly how much time passed- just how many seconds it took for his circumstance to change again and again. Never a dull moment.

_What a fucking joke._

With the letter and whiskey now out of his mind, Levi lifted his eyes to survey the surrounding area of this office, leaning forward slightly to rest his forehead against the bars, eyelashes tickling across the metal as he looked around for weapons, an escape route, maybe a person or something. He was alone in here as far as he could tell and the room was dimly lit with candlelight glowing from atop the large desk to the right of him, and on some ornate metal sconces hung upon the wall, spaces evenly on either side of a large pane window with the curtains drawn. Levi wondered how far up they were and if a drop from that window would kill him. Moving on, he looked away, there were bookshelves everywhere against the walls lined with multicolored literature, thick spines and thin, all leaned rather clumsily upon each other. If this was in fact the Survey Corps commander, Levi already wasn't overly impressed by the housekeeping. Levi was just glancing over at a painting of a river scenery hung on the wall when he heard the door handle click and his veins were filling with both icy adrenaline and burning fury all at once.

He couldn't see whoever had walked in, but he heard the door lock behind them. He listened to their footsteps and before he could even fully prepare himself for it, the man who had entered was kneeling right in front of the bars. Levi’s chest rose and fell heavily, and he glared, fists tightening around the rope they clung to. He did commit the man’s facial features to memory however- always did. So, if he ever saw the bastards who treated him with such disgusting malice again, he'd be able to recognize and destroy them.

This man was large. Even crouching down before him, his presence took up a lot of space. He wasn't fat, though. Even though his upper half was mostly covered by a dark green cloak- Levi could see in his legs and face, and the strong lines of his jugular muscles, that this man quite the opposite, which half surprised Levi as most of the pompous fucks who bought him were fat. He supposed a military commander ought to be in shape though. Levi thought this may lead to a problem later, but he'd deal with it when the time came. After all, it was much easier to fight off some overweight jack-off with money than it was to fight off a man built by military experience. 

This man had deep, translucent blue eyes such as Levi had never seen before and the smaller male pierced the gaze that was given to him with his own. A gaze that lingered fearlessly and was not filled with any lust. If anything, he looked surprised. Less than that. Something else.

Falling just barely over the fair skin of his well-chiseled face, was golden hair, slicked back neatly and fashioned in an undercut not unlike Levi’s own. Though his own hair hadn't been properly cut in quite some time. You'd think they might like to pretty-up their products before they sold them but that was hardly the case much to Levi’s chagrin.

When the man spoke, it was with a deep and steady voice filled with patience and something tired, the words were followed by a quiet sigh and his face was resigned,

“Let’s get you out of there.” 

_Oh, so you're more of the soft type then? This'll be a piece of cake._

Levi watched with narrowed, but curious eyes as the man plucked the small key from the floor and easily turned it within the lock on his cage, pulling the small, wired door open.

He stared at Levi in the openness and neither of the two budged. Not until the man nodded to himself and brought forth a hand, 

“Would you care for some help?”

As much as Levi really did not want any fucking hands on him, he could hardly get out of here on his own without making a damn fool of himself with the ropes that looped around his ankles and wrists. So, defeated and angry, Levi nodded once. He would play dormant until this ‘Commander Erwin Smith’ decided to use Levi for his intended purpose. 

Erwin’s lips drew into a thin line and he nodded again, to Levi this time, taking the time to slowly move the bottle of whiskey and letter out of the way before he reached into the cage and took Levi by the arms, a tight crease between his thick brows. 

Levi’s body wretched beneath the touch but he bit down on the rope in his mouth and leaned forward, managing to get onto his knees outside of the cage with Erwin’s help. The man released his steady grip as soon as Levi was out of the cage and took a second to fish into the pocket of his white jeans, bringing forth a pocketknife. He showed the knife to Levi out of good faith, 

“Let me cut you free?”

Levi nodded again, sharply, and now he was even more confused than before. Maybe this fucker just wasn’t into bondage? Whatever. It would make everything easier for Levi in the long run so of course he wouldn’t deny the stupid gesture. 

He offered up his wrists to Erwin, who spoke as he flicked his knife open and began to cut the ropes, eyes focused on his work, 

“My name is Erwin.” He said, freeing Levi’s hands and disposing of the ropes by tossing them into the cage behind Levi.  


_I already knew that. ___

____

____

Levi rubbed his wrists, looking at the marks that rubbed raw over his pale skin. He didn’t look up until he noticed Erwin’s hands rising to his face. He lurched a bit backwards and glared hard, bringing his own hands up to grab Erwin’s and stop them from coming any closer. 

Erwin’s face twisted into mild surprise and his brows lifted, 

“Easy, easy. I just want to get that rope out of your mouth. I’d let you do it, but I fear you may cut yourself.” He said, not advancing in his movement.

Levi quickly blinked as he processed the words, tight grip relaxing ever so slightly. _Right. Okay._ He nodded a third time and dropped his hands, settling back and watching Erwin’s hands as they continued their path to his face. He did not touch Levi’s skin, however. Merely lifted a section of the rope and filed his knife against it until it was severed. Levi licked at the roof of his mouth and swallowed hard when he was free of the rope bit, flickering his eyes to Erwin’s own. The blonde brought his hands away, bringing the rope with them, which he tossed (to join what were Levi’s wrist constraints) in the cage.

“Do you have a name?” He asked next, before going about cutting Levi’s ankles free.

 _It’s probably in that letter that he didn’t read_ , Levi thought. But Erwin had cast the letter to the side in rather disinterest and Levi figured it was more dignifying for him to tell Erwin himself, 

“Levi.” His voice was low and scratchy from disuse.

Erwin gave a forced smile, “It’s…nice to meet you, Levi. Though, I regret that it’s under these circumstances. Here, let me free your legs.”

Levi wiped a hand over his mouth and then leaned back further, propping his palms flat behind himself and getting his legs out from under him, giving Erwin access to the ropes that bound his ankles. That rope was cut swiftly and then Erwin was standing up, offering Levi a hand. Levi did not accept the hand, pushing himself onto his feet on his own and crossing his arms over his chest as he stared at Erwin. Now standing, Levi could plainly register their height difference. Erwin towered what had to be an entire foot above him, and his neck strained as he looked the male in his blue eyes. 

Erwin flipped his knife closed and put it back into his front pocket of his pants. Levi watched the movement like a hawk, committing to memory where Erwin had put that knife. When his silver eyes lifted to meet Erwin’s own again, there was a look of knowing placed deep in those pupils. He didn’t comment on it though, and instead reached up to unlatch the golden clasp of his cloak. He pulled the cloak off his broad shoulders, which looked wider now, and offered the material to Levi, who stood half naked, 

“Put this on for now. You must be cold.” Was all he said, waiting patiently for Levi to accept the cloak.

Levi did. He reached for it slowly and snatched it up before pulling it onto his shoulders and fastening the clasp at his throat. He crossed his arms again beneath the cover of the large cloak, which blanketed him like a dress, stopping at the middle of his thighs. At least he was covered now. 

Another silence bore between them and without realizing it, Levi’s eyes were back on the location of Erwin’s knife, which left a small lump in his front pocket. He could take that knife. Cut Erwin’s throat with it. But then what? Its not like he had anywhere to go that wasn’t right back to the streets. He clenched and unclenched his jaw.

Suddenly, Erwin’s hand was reaching into that very pocket and pulling the knife free. It laid in his palm as he extended his hand to Levi, 

“Take it. You can keep it.”

Levi looked first to the knife and then up to Erwin. He was unmoving at first as he stared. Erwin stared back. Levi bit his tongue and if this was a trap, he fell for it. He wanted that fucking knife. Slowly, his hand appeared from the folds of the dark green shawl he wore. Diligent fingers plucked up the knife and quickly retreated into the cover of his cloak, squeezing the pocketknife in his fist. 

Erwin let his hand fall to his side, and he considered Levi briefly,

“How does a bath sound?”

Clarity clicked in Levi’s mind and his eyes hardened. Erwin had lured him into this false sense of security- that was his twisted game, 

“You intend to fuck me when I’m prettier?” He spat, venom dripping from his words.

Erwin’s eyes widened a fraction, and he took a small step back, shaking his head, “No. No, gods no.” He quickly dispelled the idea and swallowed, his Adams apple bobbing in his throat.

Levi’s glare did not relent and before Erwin could say anything else, he spoke, “You did _buy_ me, didn’t you? Why the fuck am I here? Or maybe you intend to use me for your soldiers? Because I can guarantee titans won’t be the only threat to their lives if that’s the case.” He hissed.

Erwin stared at him like he was some unknown creature and puffed out a breath, crystal eyes glancing to the cage and then looking back up to the fire in Levi’s own eyes. Levi thought he'd hit the nail on the head, but Erwin shook his head again, 

“I can assure you I won’t permit anything of the sort. Those aren’t my intentions.” 

“Then what _are_ your intentions?” Levi was quick to bite back.

“This is all quite a terrible misunderstanding, Levi.” He confessed, nodding, “I can’t quite explain it fully at the moment. But, to put it plainly, you were a gift. And not one I asked for.”

It looked as if saying the word ‘gift’ caused Erwin some disgust. It sated Levi a little. Just a little. 

“A gift? Your friends sure have a _sick_ way of expressing fondness for you if I was the kind of thing they deemed appropriate to gift to you.” His words were sharp, and he watched Erwin steadily. 

And then Erwin laughed. Well, it was more of an exhausted chuckle, and he brought a hand to his face, rubbing his fingers over his eyes as he nodded, 

“Yes.” Was all Erwin said in reply, dropping his hand back to his side.

Levi shifted awkwardly and licked his chapped lips, glancing away for a second, “Alright. Well. If that’s the case, then I accept your offer to bathe before you return me.”

Erwin seemed pleased by this answer though he furrowed his brows ever so slightly, 

“I can’t return you, as it stands.” He did not add any more detail, “I’m afraid you and I are stuck with each other for the time being.”

Levi was not proud of the rush of relief that flooded through his body at that reply and he couldn’t help that his shoulders sagged. Truthfully, he didn’t want to go back. He didn’t want to be here, but, going back to the Underground, back to the ring…he would sooner beg for death.

Before Levi could say anything else, Erwin smiled tightly, “Come with me. There shouldn’t be anyone out of the barracks this late, so you can bathe in peace.”


	2. Reflection

The worn wood-planked flooring felt corrugated beneath the pads of Levi’s bare feet as he kept pace behind The Commanders large, booted steps. He was virtually silent as he walked, staring deadlocked at a long crease created by Erwin’s shoulder blades in his finely pressed pearl-colored work shirt. The crease shifted as the man walked, and he walked with purpose, never stopping to look back at Levi or glance around at their whereabouts. He sure was awfully confident nobody would see them. 

Oh, and what a sight they would be. 

A proud Commander trailed by a small, lethargic, brooding male, wearing nothing but a Survey Corps cloak three sizes too big for him and some tattered flax fabric shorts. Covered in scratches, dirt, and bruises, to boot. 

Now _what a sight_ that would be, indeed. Sure to start rumors, that was for certain.

Erwin’s confidence was not misplaced, however, that much was apparent when they reached their destination and the two had not encountered a soul awake and roaming other than themselves. Erwin took the handle of the door they stopped in front of and pushed it in, turning now to regard Levi, who lifted a brow and peered into the room he’d opened.

It was very dark, but Levi could make out that there was tile laid everywhere, walls and floors alike, on the back wall there were many metal dividers protruding outwards, shower heads mounted in between each of them. On the far wall to the right there were sinks with small round mirrors attached above them. On the opposite wall to the left, there were many lockers, some left ajar but most of them latched shut.

_A bathing room._

When he looked back up at the Commander, he saw that the man was smiling good-naturedly and he motioned to the side with his head before stepping into the bathing room. Levi was hot on his heel. The air felt moist.

The larger man took a small cardboard box of matches from his back pocket, branching off from Levi to go and light a few candle sconces that were littered about, mounted onto the tiled walls. Levi stayed put near the center of the room, one of his feet being latticed by a drain on which he stood. 

Once Erwin had lit the room to his satisfaction, it glowed a soft gold, gentle fire light dancing in repeated pattern over every grey tile. The blonde blew out his match, tossing its used stick into a garbage bin settled in the corner and then he turned to face Levi. He motioned to the showers with his hand, walking over to the closest one and reaching in to tap a handle situated dead center between metal dividers,

“Come, Levi.” He said, “This handle here controls the water. Please excuse the lack of hot water. This is the washroom for the higher ranked officers but unfortunately not even we are allowed such a luxury.” He smiled apologetically.

Levi scoffed rather humorlessly though he found amusement in Erwin’s words and then took a few steps closer, still remaining a good ways away, “Are you fucking kidding? Do I look accustomed to _luxury,_ Mr. Smith?” He asked, his tone sharp.

Erwin’s full brows rose and he let his hand drop from the shower handle, clasping both hands in front of him and pulling his lips into a thin line. He gave a small bow of his head, “Of course. Forgive me.” His blue eyes, turned a taupe-ish color in the golden candlelight, strayed to the side for just a second and then reverted to steady on Levi. 

He spoke as he crossed the room to the lockers, the sound of his boots tapping the tiles reverberating within the room, “You may use my hygiene products while you bathe.” He said, pulling open one of the lockers and then stepping away, motioning to its inner contents with a hand, “Feel free to use anything in here to your liking.” 

There was a brief and awkward pause of silence that bore on between them as Levi stared, stationary, and Erwin glanced back to his opened locker, then to the door, 

“Right, well, I will get you some fresh clothes in the meantime. Please, take your time.” He said, nodding briskly to Levi and then exiting the room, the door clicking softly as he disappeared behind it.

Left alone now, Levi released a soft breath, eyeing the closed door warily for a beat of time and then slowly making his way to the lockers to inspect the hygiene materials that Erwin had told him he could use. There was a white bar of soap, a viridian-colored bottle labelled ‘shampoo’, miscellaneous shaving products, a scrubber, and a washcloth. Rolled up, stacked, and crammed into the wall inside the locker there were four identical body towels, all a dark pine color. 

Levi set his pocketknife down as he tentatively reached inside the locker. He collected from it the bar of soap, the shampoo, the shaving razor and cream, and the washcloth, cradling the items in one arm while his other grabbed up one of the tightly rolled towels. With all his needed products in his arms, Levi walked back to the closest shower stall, setting all the products on the tiled floor against the wall, and then unrolling the towel and draping it over the metal divider so it wouldn’t get wet while he bathed. 

He spared the door another quick look before shedding Erwin’s cloak from his shoulders, moving robotically as he did so and hanging it alongside the towel on the divider. Releasing a short puff of air, Levi reached for his potato-sack shorts, pulling them down his thighs and depositing them onto the floor, kicking them away. He’d toss them out later but right now he wanted to get clean as quickly as possible.

Levi stepped out of the way of the direction of the shower head as he reached to turn the handle. He heard the water creak through the pipes before it spurted out of the head, raining down rather lazily onto the floor and spraying droplets onto Levi’s feet. He watched it for a quiet second and then brought his hand forward to run his fingers underneath the stream of water, sparkling a saffron color from the glow of the candle sconces. It was not frigid but it was not warm either.

As Levi moved forward into the drizzle, he let out a rather satisfied sigh, letting the water cascade freely into his hair, down his face, streaming over his shoulders and descending from there in lazy waterfalls. He turned around, wiping his hands over his face and nearly releasing a hiss at the feeling of the water spilling over the freshly scabbed lash marks on his back. It soothed the pain while simultaneously making it difficult to breathe but Levi remained still, taking in heavy breaths with his eyes closed, fingers halted in their place on either side of his jaw as if he were afraid to move. Slowly, those fingers pushed upwards and slicked his glistening inky locks backwards, off his forehead. He craned his neck with the motion of his hands, tipping his head back into the shower spray.

He counted the seconds that passed as he stood stagnant beneath the rainfall of the shower, just enjoying the feeling of it. 

But soon, he was shaking himself out of the trance, turning and leaning down to pick up the soap and the washcloth so he could get to work scrubbing away months of dirt and sweat. And scrub, he did. He lathered the washcloth with the bar of soap and then used the cloth to rub every square inch of his skin, starting from his face and working his way down, being gentle around the wounds of his body. Watching the grime evaporate from his porcelain skin was nearly enough to bring a smile to Levi’s lips. 

He took his time, washing himself down two, three times over before he moved to grab the shampoo and work it into his hair, scrubbing his fingers into his scalp to get the soap everywhere and then letting the water rinse everything away. He brought his hands through the now silky locks of his hair with a contented sigh. 

Levi spent a few more minutes in the shower, just for the sake of it, and then he shut it off, grabbing the towel from the divider, quickly rubbing it into his hair to dampen it and then wrapping it around his hips. Afterwards, he collected the shaving cream and razor from the ground and slowly walked over to the sinks. 

It was with much deliberation and hesitation that Levi met his own gaze in the mirror. He blinked in time with his reflection and swallowed thickly. He hadn’t seen himself in gods know how long. And when he had it was usually in dusty windows, grimy metals, or a waters reflection. Never this crisp and clear. 

His hair was messy from being toweled, and locks of it flew over his forehead haphazardly, his brows were thin and dark, crowning both of his hooded and sunken eyes. Grey in color, he observed. He’d never fully taken into account the way he looked before. His cheeks were sloped from sharp cheekbones, curved into a proud jawline and a pointed chin. His lips were a deep pink and splotched with red from where he’d nervously bitten at them. He could see the bruises in the form of a handprint over his neck and now that he was clean, all his blemishes became more prominent against his sun-deficient skin.

He averted his eyes, looking down at the shaving razor in his hand. He set it down gently on the edge of the sink and then moved to unscrew the top to the shaving cream, collecting the soft pliant paste with his fingertips and then lifting his fingers to his face, where he smeared it onto the exceptionally light amount of hair that littered his jaws and upper lip. He didn’t have much body hair in the first place, but it was enough for him to want to get rid of it. He’d never properly shaved himself before, but he had watched his uncle do it when he was young and remembered the gist of how it went. With the light coat of cream on his skin, Levi grabbed the razor and lifted his eyes to the mirror to focus as he brought the edge of the blade down carefully along his skin, shaving sections into the white cream on his face. Afterwards, he rinsed the razor off and then combed his hair out with his fingers, trimming up the ends and cleaning up the edges and length of his undercut. 

It wasn’t the work of a barber that was for sure, but Levi had done a decent job. 

He cleaned off the straight razor in the sink and rinsed his face before going about collecting all the hygiene products he’d used and setting them neatly back in Erwin’s locker, grabbing the pocketknife he’d left in there and shutting the small door afterwards.

There was a knock at the bathroom door then and Levi bristled, staring at the door with wide eyes as he grabbed the towel at his hips. 

“Levi? I’ve got some clothes for you if you’re ready to dress. I will set them just beside the door in there, but I won’t come in, alright?” It was Erwin’s voice.

Levi remained still as he watched the door creak open the slightest bit. Erwin’s hand and arm appeared, depositing a small stack of neatly folded clothes on the floor and then the door shut again.

Levi’s tensed shoulders sagged, and he cautiously approached the clothing, snatching them up and quickly moving away from the door. 

He dressed rather swiftly in the mirror, pulling on a soft grey long-sleeved shirt that was just a bit too big on him and some dark sweatpants, as well as some white socks. No shoes. Once dressed, Levi slipped his pocketknife into one of his front pockets of his pants and then slowly walked over to the exit of the bathroom, Erwin’s towel in hand. 

He opened the door to find Erwin leaning against the wall beside it. The man straightened up and smiled at the sight of Levi there,

“I hope everything fit well?” He prompted.

Levi nodded, glancing to the towel in his hand and extending it to Erwin, “I don’t know where to put this.”

“Ah, here, let me.” Erwin replied, taking the damp towel from Levi’s hands, and folding it up before gripping it in one of his hands, letting it hang at his side, “You look much better.”

Levi frowned, eyes narrowing. He parted his lips to speak but Erwin was quick to intervene, “I just meant that it probably felt very nice to be able to clean yourself. I can’t imagine how uncomfortable you were before. I was not commenting objectively about your appearance.” He said, smiling politely. 

Levi rolled his eyes and shrugged, “Yeah. I suppose it was nice.” He muttered, crossing his arms loosely over his chest and looking away.

Erwin nodded, “Good. Now, you must be famished. While you showered, I got some things together in my office.” He said, motioning for Levi to follow him before he turned around and started walking down the hall. The mention of food made Levi’s malnourished stomach warble and he licked his lips, following Erwin.

Erwin glanced back after a few steps but kept his pace, “I will find you some day clothes and suitable shoes for you tomorrow. I didn’t know your size.” He said as they walked, his voice a fraction lower. 

As they re-entered Erwin’s office, Levi noticed that the cage had been disposed of and was nowhere to be seen, as well as the letter, and the key. The whiskey was seated on Erwin’s cluttered desk. Levi wanted to chuckle at that, but he didn’t, instead far more interested in the little setup Erwin had put together. The deep red couch against the wall had two quilts folded up on one of the cushions and a plush white pillow resting on top of them. On the side table, there was three slices of bread and many red apple slices resting on a white plate, a tall tankard set beside it. Levi didn’t move even though his stomach gurgled again. 

Erwin had stopped to close his office doors and he glanced from Levi to the food, turning before raising an inviting hand, “Please, eat.” He said, then he walked over to a singular door on the wall to the right and opened it, disappearing inside. When he came back, the towel was no longer in his grasp. 

Levi didn’t need much more than that to get his legs to work. He walked over to the couch and sat close to the armrest nearest to the side table and he reached forward to take a slice of bread in his fingers, bringing it to his nose to smell it before he took an experimental bite. It was nice and dense, fluffy to the touch, and his mouth watered as he ate it. 

Erwin crossed the room to sit down at the chair at his desk, watching Levi idly, who returned his look, knees tucked into his chest as he sat nestled against the couch’s armrest. 

After two slices of bread were down, Levi nursed the liquid from the tall tankard, which turned out to be water, and in between sips he spoke, “You threw out the cage.”

“I did.” Came Erwin’s reply.

“Where’d you put it?”

“We have dumpsters near the horse stables for manure.” Erwin explained.

Levi scoffed in amusement, “Right place for it.” 

“I agree.”

Levi took a long sip of his water and glanced to the whiskey, pulling the tankard from his lips to nod his head to it, “You kept that though.”

“It’s good whiskey. Would be a shame to throw it out. Unless you take offense?” Erwin asked, picking up the amber bottle and raising a brow over to Levi.

Levi shook his head, “No. I don’t give a shit.”

Erwin nodded slowly and then set the bottle back down, clasping his hands on the surface of his desk and focusing his attention on Levi as the smaller male munched on an apple slice, “I probably already know the answer to this but, where did you come from, Levi?”

Levi finished chewing and swallowed, “Th’Underground. Obviously.” 

“Obviously.” Erwin dryly replied with another nod, licking his lips, and then puffing out a soft breath, “I’ve only been down there a few times on business. Even just the couple of hours I spent there made me feel as if I were buried alive. Suffocating.”

“Doesn’t feel any different if you live there your whole life either.” Levi replied quickly.

Erwin hummed, “Yes. I doubted it would.” He paused for a moment and then shifted in his seat, “I would do well to ensure I never end up back there.”

Levi stared at him.

“I’d do well to ensure you didn’t end up back there, as well.” Erwin said. 

Levi’s stare became hard. _Do you mean that? Why?_

“Why?” He echoed his thought, “Why the fuck do you care where I end up?”

Erwin gave a shrug, smiling softly as if there were something endearing about what Levi said, “I’m not sure. Is this your first time above ground, Levi?”

“No.”

“And the other times you were above ground…it was to be sold to the upper class, I imagine?”

“Yes.”

“How did you end up back in The Underground?

“You want my life story or some shit?” Levi spat, scowling heavily.

“I certainly wouldn’t mind it. I’d like to help you, Levi. If you would indulge me for a short moment. I don’t mean to pry.” Erwin said, sounding irritatingly genuine. 

Levi snapped a little, “ _Fine._ I’ve been in this bullshit since I was around 13, Smith. Put into it by my own uncle, who took advantage of my orphaned situation. Back then it was easy for any dickhead to use me so my uncle could make a quick buck. Not that hard to fuck a kid.” Levi took another long drink of water and set his tankard down with a thud, his voice venomous, “But I decided I didn’t _like_ that. So, I’ve been a hell raiser for my poor old uncle to deal with. I’ve been sold to rich fuckers up here three times now, I was _returned_ because they couldn’t do as they pleased with me. I suppose I was too aggressive for their tastes.” He rose a brow at Erwin.

A long pause settled between them, but Erwin didn’t look surprised. He also wasn’t looking at Levi like he was a kicked puppy. His gaze was one of deliberation and after some time, he hummed in understanding,

“I see.”

“Mmhm. That’s probably why they threw me at your feet, _Commander._ Your friend probably thought about how easy it would be for a man of your stature to do as you liked with me. How difficult it would be for me to fight you. Hell- maybe you’ve given them the impression that you _like_ a bit of a struggle.” Levi spoke with a deadly edge to his voice.

Erwin shifted uncomfortably in his seat and had to look away from Levi’s piercing gaze, bringing a hand up to wipe over his face, “I can assure you that is the farthest from the truth concerning my interests.” 

“Then, pray tell Erwin, why am I here? I’m finding it difficult to believe your whole ‘pure intentions’ bullshit.” Levi growled.

Erwin chuckled lightly at that, “I would not describe myself as a man with pure intentions, Levi. However, I can swear to you that I did not want for any of your…services. But now that you are here, I cannot find it within myself to return you back to the Underground, to get swept back up into the life you’ve been leading. Like I said, I would like to help you.” 

“Why?”

Erwin shook his head, “Conscience, perhaps. I do not like to make choices that I feel I might regret.”

“You don’t owe me shit.” Levi said, chewing on his last slice of bread. 

“Of course not. I never said that I did. But you are a fighting spirit, something fiery, that much I can tell. It would be a shame to be part of the reason that flame gets put out. I’d like to find something for you to do around here, in the Survey Corps.” 

Levi rose his brows and let out a stale chuckle, “Oh, so you’re looking for an expendable recruit?” 

“Levi, please. That's not what I meant.”

The tone of his voice caused Levi to look back up at him from his bread and he could see the clear pleading creased between Erwin’s brows and swirling in his deep blue eyes.

“I’m giving you a chance to reinvent your life. Make it your own. I’m giving you a choice.” Erwin said. 

He was being serious. This fucking guy really meant what he was saying. 

Levi scowled and tore his gaze away, “A choice between the Underground or getting chewed on by a titan?” He shrugged, “Okay. I’m game. But you do realize you can’t just recruit some criminal scum whore, right? I’m sure the other recruits aren’t going to be ecstatic about that.”

Erwin smiled, pleased, “You won't be chewed on by a titan, probably. I'm not mad enough to recruit you as a soldier. But, I will find something for you to do to ensure you don't get sent back to the Underground. I will try to find you somewhere to stay but in the meantime, you may sleep here on the couch and I will find you some tasks to do so you don’t become bored.”

Levi hummed, “How about I clean this office for starters? You’ve got dust all over everything and your desk is a mess.” He said.

These words surprised Erwin, but he ended up laughing coolly, looking around his office. He didn’t see anything wrong with it, “Alright. If you wish.”

Levi nodded, “I might as well if I’m expected to sleep in here. You're a commander right? You should have a clean office, even if you are an idle old man."

That made Erwins brows shoot up in a way Levi had not seen and if he'd been any less reserved of a person, he might have full on belly laughed, "I- an _idle old man?_ You wound me, Levi. I'm freshly 30, after all. And as for idle, well." He made an exasperated sound and shook his head, then he refocused on Levi, "How old are you?"

Levi shrugged a little and narrowed his eyes at the rug in thought. He hadn't really kept much track of his years.

After a few moments of thought, he looked back over at Erwin, "I suppose I'm 25. So, you're still old to me."

Erwin chuckled softly and shook his head, but left it at that.

What an incredibly odd turn of events.

Levi wouldn’t complain, he couldn’t. But as Erwin turned out all the lights that night and disappeared into the side room (which Levi guessed to be his bedroom) with a quiet ‘Goodnight’, and as Levi’s head hit the pillow, knife clutched in his fist, warm quilts blanketing his clean, clothed body, a thought popped into his head that suggested he might wake up to find this all to be some bizarre dream.

He laid awake for three counted minutes before exhaustion took over his self-control and doubt.

He fell into a deep sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are enjoying reading this so far! I'm very invested in this story and I'm hoping that I can get at least one chapter out a month.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction so constructive criticism is fantastic! I have no idea what I'm doing, I'm honestly just writing this to fill the void in my eruri-loving heart. I also have no idea how long it will be. I will just be taking it chapter by chapter and hoping for the best lmao
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Kudos and comments are heavily appreciated!


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